#if i do not let thjs out i will go insane
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watusingpaputok · 7 months ago
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edit: i found the part 1 so here's more! i am letting out more thoughts for the court (along with my caffeine-fueled ramblings)
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american cowslip: something something finding a new thing to believe in (... the form of a vampiric robot? i jest... 'lest?). v1 surely has shown gabriel a new way of life and in turn v1 became the new divinity with how they literally beat gabe's ass twice (and technically inheriting the title of judge of hell. the thought of a divine machine is quite intriguing for me).
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alcea rosea: gabe my guy your obsession with the machine is something... what would become of you once you die and v1 is all that's left in hell aside the thing itself? just a file in their memory? will you be ingrained in their ROM? will they read your info and replay clips of you as they slowly shutdown due to the scarcity of blood as the result of their wake of destruction?
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queen of the night: SELF EXPLANATORY. gabriel is dying soon and so is v1 once all of hell and their blood runs out. both's version of enjoying the small moments is violence upon other machines, humans, angels (gabe killing the council isn't a small act but please hear me out) and of course to each other (love them for that).
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rainflower: this one is interesting. gabriel would've definitely tried repenting his sins (see previous) in that campfire scene. oh and since the machine is so remarkable for the angel for causing a domino effect in his life, gabriel is NOT forgetting about v1 any time soon even in his last breath. maybe v1 would feel the same in the sense of gabriel being an amusing source of blood. (i do subscribe on v1 'feeling' things something akin to attraction but not entirely there thing. also hello demi/aromantic gang 🫡).
the "i love" you part when it comes to gabe is vague for me though although it may be attraction too like a magnet drawing him to v1 if that makes sense (i am still basing on the canon interactions though. sorry fanon </3 i like this one-sided shit they have)
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spindle tree, pink carnations, zinnias: remembrance flowers (it'd be redundant if i repeat my points from the last one but i digress). also gabv1el etching each other's images in their mind and heart (or close to that) and remembering it at the last moments *chef's kiss*
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tansy and mulberry: gabriel literally declared war on v1 and lost to them twice (beaten by an object! twice! skill issue) and he is definitely not surviving that severance of the light from him (tbh i didn't survive his ass either and i had so many repeats on 3-2). and yet the angel perseveres, even probably fighting v1 for one last time, wishing to relish on the ecstasy he felt back at 6-2 till he succumbs to everything. gabriel thinks that nothing is going on for him anymore and would rather take things to his own hands
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white egret orchid: gabriel's fixation on v1 would probably be noted by them (lmao). perhaps gabriel had thoughts full of hate, intrigue and then in turn fascination for the machine with how they rip apart hell while doing it all efficiently. something about their carnage just drew gabriel in and he felt the effects of it himself leading to his heel turn moment.
thats about it again folks and thank you for finding the part 1 a banger! i just love the flower language sm and like i said, this fucked up angel robot duo. amen.
GABVV1EL NATON LISTEN
i was on tiktok when i found these flowers and oh my god they are very them!! (apologies for my incoherence i am insane for these two)
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orange lily: aka the enemies to ??? (lovers? idk) flower. self explanatory but hey gabe's fixated as hell on the 'insignificant fuck' turned duel partner or whatever secret third fucked up thing they have /lh
white poppy: representing v1 with how their victory over gabriel became both his bane with how he got his light stripped off him therefore bringing him harm as well as the entire duel thing. the antidote parts comes from gabriel being freed from heaven's control as if like a poison that clouded his mind with their views and v1 clearing them away in the messiest way possible.
asphodel: representing gabriel with how he's dying and may have many regrets in his mind like killing minos, being wrathful towards the sinners etc. you get it
rosemary: for how gabriel gets invigorated to the point of ecstasy in 6-2. v1 brought catharsis to an angel that never knew therapy and it shows /lh. also represents v1 since yk theyre a vampiric robot and gabriel is very flesh and blood. quite literally giving v1 a second chance on things and carnage
phlox: this one can be a reach but (HEAR ME OUT OKAY) for how they (gabv1el) keep bumping on each other twice (maybe even thrice in 9-2) after all ultrakill *is* gabe's story and v1 is a machine who happens to be another POV of that story
thats about it i think unless there is more to add. thank you for listening to my insane talk
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#the burdent of not being understood. its annoying and i dont like it. also its my fault#because if u say something serious in a light tone ppl dont kno wtf to do. prob bc they dont kno if ur delusional or not and like dont#wanna upset u. but then its like annoying bc they still walk away worried and im like ok neither of us r happy bc u dont get how serious#thjs is but i cant tell u how serious it is without making u worried. and y should i make u worry if u can't fuckinf do anything abt it?#so its just annoying. which is to say i went to a retirement lunch today and it was as awkward as i imagined#bc it was me and my boss and a couple professors and i dont do well in these group situations anything so i spent a lotta time spaced out#not hearing anyone bc the noise in the room was messy and my brain was peeling away from my body. but whatever i was there. and my boss#drove us both and on the way back she started the. im worried abt u talk. which i feel like she was too hesitant abt it. which like i get#bc its awkward to bring up but like i dont give a fuck so idk i feel like u gotta start those conversations like. this is how watching u#makes me feel. idk whatever. and i was honest but like it was a 5min car ride so i didnt have thr time to be like ok heres the deal. ya#kno? so now im all annoyed bc my brain is fucking unbearable when i feel like i havent made my thoughts clear. and now its like. do i bring#it back up? or just let it go? whats to be gained by talking abt it? all that i have to say is upsetting bc im very aware im being self#destructive. thats the point. i get boried and my brain only lets me do like 2 things so i use those things to make myself insane. bc at#least then i can observe the symptoms of the stress im exherting on myself. and i kno that not good bc idk how to stop and ppl r always#like u gotta relax. what will help u relax? and im like u dont fucking understand. i cant regulate thr amount i like things. if i like#something i like it so much it becomes stressful. and i like drawing but its not relaxing. its a thing i have to do and its stressful bc im#constantly thinking abt making things perfect and never meeting thst mark. my happiest memories arent even happy moments theyre just times#where my brain stopped for a second and i could just breathe for a minute. so like i cant relax. i dont like anything a normal amount so#the solution must be medication. but my brain has decided im not allowed to fix this problem until i move away so like 🙃 and like i was#giving little bits of this in the car but its like lady i kno its a problem. ive known its a problem for years. the self awareness doesnt#help. except that it keeps me from doing anything extremely bad bc for me if i at least kno where it comes from i can b like ah yes. this#is fucking stupid lol. but i dunno how me sharing all this helps bc im sure it only raises the worry. but like its fine. i mean its not but#like ya kno. and i was kinda explaining how upsetting it is for me to have my schedule changed without warning even if its for things other#ppl would see as good and i wasnt thst firm abt it so it was: but i can't just do nothing for u! and i was like ugh fuck it fine whatever.#and like do i bring that back up bc it is like a respect my boundaries thing but like i feel like if i were anyone else it would be good#to drag someone out of their comfort zone but im being dragged into situations i find profoundly isolating bc i cant seem to function in#groups. ugh its just fucking annoying bc i dont want her to feel bad. i appreciate the effort but like ugh its exhausting. whatever. it was#anyway. im just annoyed thst i should have explained things better. also im annoyed thst i constantly forget most things taste bland and#then im annoyed when i hsve to eat bland things. i think my nose doesnt work right bc i csnt smell much either#unrelated
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piastriblogging · 2 years ago
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carlando hehe
i’m so glad u asked ur getting a coherent answer bcs i actually finished my paper
on any given day i have about 10 unique carlando thoughts. and this is a lot bcs in case u missed my last ten of these things i have no thoughts ever. so. they’re different. mainly bcs they r ruining my life. i have convinced my friends with no interest in f1 to care about carlando that’s how serious i am with going BONKERS about them.
i see carlando everywhere all of the time. i think of 9billion carlando aus a day. i send them to my friend who doesn’t know carlando and she is like wow ur a genius. it’s very rewarding.
but ok i guess i will say something interesting i think what is so intriguing abt them TO ME is that when carlos was at mclaren he acted as a sort of… guide? and support ? and solid figure for lando to work out his anxieties against. he reassured lando so much and built up his confidence in really unique ways as a teammate (whcih also. carlos is a good teammate. see exhibit a) charlos and exhibit b) carlando). and all of that. that is a lot of what i see in carlando fanon. which is obviously something i LOVE and think about so much. it’s fascinating.
but in 2022, post GQ “i dissociate at work” interview, i cannot NOT think about — and forgive me for being a narratologist — how it’s FLIPPED. carlos is now in a position where he needs more support and LANDO has his own self assuredness. it’s a phenomenal narrative. insane. it goes so fucking hard. like carlos’s DAD makes him NERVOUS. he feels NERVES. lando meanwhile is picking up 9000 hobbies and publicly being bad at them and doesn’t care what people thing about him. they fold into each other so well!!!!!!!! they can give each other what they need!!!!!
but yeah thank u so much for asking and here are my insane thoughts and i just think about carlando a lot obviously. every day i come up w a new au. college au jane austen au deep space mission au the list goes ON and ON.
below the cut i’m going to include a deep cut from the chat i have with my bestest most insane friends where i just show up and drop a carlando thought on them and then don’t respond for several days. cw for gender fuckery
sorry ik this is off topic but i cannot stop creating narratives about the carlando 5am dj set chaperoned date
like…. first of all lando is sooooo single now it’s like. hilarious. HILARIOUS. so obviously of course this is carlos Wanting what he Can’t Have except now lando is technically Available but the Tension of not knowing if he Wants Him so he does stupid shit like go watch him dj at some random party at five in the morning because of course lando invites him and doesn’t expect him to come but of course he does bcs he wants lando so bad he’d do whatever he asked including thjs absolutely insane outing. and his cousin carlos does not let him go anywhere alone which ruins carlos dreams of kissing lando in his fatigue induced drunken state which is probably for the better because everyone knows who they are here… and so carlos sips on his drink that is too much to be drinking at 5 but he’s watching lando embarrass himself and all of these instagram model girls embarrass THEMSELVES trying to get his attention and cousin carlos is of course having a better time than he is and carlos is just wallowing in having such a shit race (p3… shit… imagine that. carlos woukd never say outloud that he thought p3 wasn’t good enough but… he thinks it) and wallowing in how badly he missed his chance with lando and how he wants to be where that pretty/bored looking girl is pressed up right behind lando while he explains what he’s doing and makes her laugh and
i will spend the next fifteen hours thinking about ways in which carlos may sometimes feel like he wishes he was a girl
thinking about how he has only sisters. thinking about how he is closer to his mother. thinking about how he is sensitive. sorry to make these women characteristics but i’m doing it in a queer way
AND ANOTHER THING I FOUND :
im just so obsessed w how when they were teammates carlos was sooooo gentle with him in terms of reassuring him about like.... him being a good enough driver or him doing a good job or being a good teammate being hot or literally anything and like YEAH he made fun of him but like carefully and never went too far and was so careful and then he left and lando doesnt NEED him anymore he had a hot bikini model GF he is the number one driver at mclaren he has more than one podium he isnt just lucky hes working and improving and he has so much now. like lando that carlos knew wouldnt pick up DJing over the weekend and then do a DJ set in monaco's hottest club on a saturday night but THIS LANDO does... and conversely carlos is so depressed and dissociating at work and everyone is always hating him when he wins they hate him when he loses they hate him and he has to ground himself every day and convince himself driving for ferrari is a good thing ??!???!?! like………. idek what to say. like. ur in SINGAPORE. you’re EXHAUSTED. you just came third and everyone is saying u suck. and ur best method of decompression is. go to some random party just because your ex teammate invites you
i still think carlos denying himself lando while lando no longer holds the same guilt makes them extra interesting rn
so i’m just going togthjnk about them having gay podium sex ala hockey fandom winner’s room trope
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